I Hope This Isn’t You…

You might have heard me talk about going to Toronto. That is where my coach Dan Sullivan lives. He is helping me and about 30 others in my group become better people and help inspire and transform more lives. I have written many times that I believe we should all have coaches in our lives, and that investing in the right coaches and knowledge gives us an “unfair advantage” in our lives. That is why I invest heavily (financially and time) on hiring the best coaches.

In my latest meeting, Dan introduced a concept called the 50-person future. It is somewhat similar to the 5 closest friends exercise in my book Fit Moms For Life, and the group exercise we do in the FM4L 6 Week Challenge.

It boils down to the question: are you spending time with people who are bringing you down, or encouraging you and striving for excellence? Today, I want to share with you what Dan gives as some criteria to determine what type of people you have surrounded yourself with.

Tomorrow we will discuss what it looks life if you have supportive people in your life, but for now here are some of the characteristics of a negative environment.


Guilt: When something does go right, you feel bad because others are doing poorly—by succeeding, you’ve made things worse.

Trapped: Because of who you work and live with, you feel unable to change your present circumstances and results.

Scarcity: There never seems to be enough of what you need to make significant improvement— and it looks worse in the future.

Pessimism: In your daily conversations, complaining, criticizing, and blaming are easier than making positive plans and taking positive actions.

Failure: You and those around you have the habit of looking for what went wrong and what’s lacking in every situation.

Frustration: When things are going well in the world around you, you can’t enjoy it because things aren’t “perfect” for you.

When Dan shared these things with me, they really struck me. I have been certainly guilty of these from time to time, and there are a few people I can think of that I am around who fit some of this criteria as well. Fortunately, the vast majority of my support network and friends are what I will describe tomorrow.

I have had hundreds of conversations with clients or others and many times it becomes clear that they are living their life and hanging out with people who fit this criteria.

The great news is that it doesn’t have to be that way, and it won’t be easy, but over time you can transition and create for yourself a different set of support that continually lifts you up.

Our Program Killer Kurves comes to my mind… This is a group of about 30 incredible humans that have bonded stronger then any other group that I have worked with. There was one instance where someone said something to a K2 member that they shouldn’t have said. The support and backing this K2er received from her community was incredible.

Listen, technology is awesome, Facebook and Twitter are awesome, but we NEED connection and support. You shouldn’t feel like you have to stay motivated on your own. That takes too much work and effort, get plugged into a community that is already making this happen.

Stay tuned for tomorrow as I share the characteristics of the other side of the coin.

It has taken close to 10 years now as a fitness professional, but my team and I have been able to create a variety of programs that puts this support and community building at the forefront. We can now deliver this experience to anyone in the world, and as the next year or two progresses we will only get better at helping you get plugged in to the power source of “community and connection.” 


  1. Miranda Bridgett says

    I’ve been receiving emails from “fit mom’s” for some time now. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I’ve never read one of these emails until today. I noticed the email subject line, “Hey” the body said something about missing an email sent out about cthe haracteristics of negative support. I opened this email because I have steadily been having negative things happen in my life lately that I don’t understand. For instance, I broke my sternum last week which has forced me to lay in bed for the next several weeks. Because of this injury I am now unable to participate in my bi-weekly volunteer duties in my sons kindergarten class, miss his first field trip tomorrow and several other things. I’m always trying to find the positive in situations like this. One of which is having muy 20 year old son come stay with me to drive his brother to and from school and to slay participate in his”bike rodeo” yesterday. While pulling out of our driveway, my son hit an SUV along with my landlords daughter. It was a horrible experience as he is unlicensed and ended up getting arrested. I find myself asking why these negative things happen to me when I’m doing my best to hold things together. I happen to have a very negative person on my life who is constantly bringing me down. I said all that to say how grateful I am to have had a second chance at opening this email, otherwise I would’ve been missing out on such a positive support group experience. I did have a “let go and let God” moment yesterday and I truly believe that is why I was led to opening this email. This is exactly what I needed right now…a chance to turn my negative thoughts around and start living a positive, healthy thought life.
    Thank you,

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