I am writing this from the airport in Detroit after a great 7 day cruise. I had an amazing time, but also am so pumped to get back and start teaching Fit Fun Bootcamps and Mamatone. I guess that is what happens when you love what you do. I will try to share more from the cruise along with videos and pictures another day, but today I wanted to talk about one small experience I had this past week.
Abby and I were visiting our last island and we were sitting in a tender boat. For those of you who aren’t familiar, a tender boat is a smaller boat that takes us from the big ship to the island. This occurs when the islands don’t have a large enough port for the ship.
This scenery was breathtaking, aqua blue water, blue skies, pristine white sandy beaches and 80 degree weather. Wow can life get any better?
Trunk Bay where I snorkled
We happened to be sitting near a woman in her 50’s who spent at least 80% of the 30 minutes we were on the boat complaining. She complained about EVERYTHING to those sitting around her that she just met. She complained about the food, the delay in the tender (which was due to the high waves), she complained about waiting for everyone else to get on the boat, and the list goes on and on. Her complaining soon rubbed off on the others around her and they started to chime in with complaints too!
I was mildly listening to their rants, but still looking around enjoying the amazing beauty and reflecting on the past 6 days of cruising. My girlfriend Abby has a little shorter fuse than I do, and after about 20 minutes yelled out, “Stop complaining already! How can you be complaining like this on vacation.”
I am sure you all know someone like this. Hopefully you aren’t good friends with someone like this, because you might be like them too J
This woman’s face looked liked it had a permanent scowl on it, you could tell her smile muscles and smile wrinkles weren’t being used very much.
Why do I share this story with you?
Couple reasons:
First, it once again shows how influenced we are by others. I have no idea if the other people that we were surrounded by, were naturally very negative; but once the one woman got going, the others chimed in, and she definitely encouraged it.
Test
In the past week, how many conversations have you had with your closest 5 friends and family members that involved some sort of “health” talk? In other words, did you talk anything about eating healthy, exercising, or other positive healthy topics? If you couldn’t think of any, it might be a sign that you could find healthier friends to be around.
Second, life is too short to be around complainers. I would really hate to see this woman during the week at her job, or at home with her husband, who by the way, sat next to her the whole time with a scowl and didn’t say one word to her, nor her to him. Thankfully we get to choose most of those we get to be around (offices can be a different story) and we can find people who have a glass over flowing outlook on life.
A great example was at the conference I was at in DC last week. I was with about 500 business owners who use the internet to promote their business. This conference was very expensive to attend, so the caliper of success was already very high. The past 3 years have obviously been very challenging in the economy and business owners many times are hit hardest. Even though many were experiencing challenges in the every changing landscape of their business, I didn’t hear any complaining what-so-ever! They didn’t spend their time moaning about where the economy is currently; rather they spent time brainstorming ways to overcome the challenges and to succeed.
I have put this challenge out to you about a year ago, but my challenge is to try to commit to one week of no complaining. Since we all complain subconsciously, we need to be reminded when we accidently do it.
So tell those around you what you are doing and ask them to help monitor your words. Better yet, invite them to join you in the challenge. One strategy I have heard to work very well is to wear a thick rubber band around your wrist and whenever someone hears you complain they snap you with the rubber band. If you are alone and you catch yourself, you can snap it yourself.
Here is the founder of “A Complaint Free World”
Another effective strategy is if you complain you put a certain dollar amount in a jar, and when the week is up, you donate it to a charity that you don’t stand for. For example, if you are a union protester at the WI capitol, you could donate it to the Scott Walker fund. 
In conclusion, getting rid of negativity will not only make you a happier person, it will help empower you. When you stop complaining and take responsibility, it will open up other options for yourself and different outcomes. This is something I struggle with daily, but with practice it will improve. We need to condition our subconscious minds to be more positive!
Question of the day: Do you have people around you who constantly complain? What do you do in that situation?
Go Abby! I hope the complainer or at least some of the other people around got what Abby was talking about and took a minute to look around and appreciate their surroundings and how lucky they were to be there.
Welcome home!
Cheers to you Abby. There are many times I wish I had said those words in a negative situation. Hip, hip hurray to your courage!
Although I am guilty of complaining (which I’ll try to work on more-especially this week), in a situation like this I guess I’m between you and Abby. I’ll normally point out the good things directly to the person complaining (assuming it is an open conversation, which this seemed to be). For example I’d say to the woman, “If we have to wait, at least it’s not raining. It’s such a beautiful day. Sitting here, enjoying the scenery is actually kind of relaxing.”
Hi Dustin! This is another great reminder to be positive in life. Complaining and being negative gets you NOWHERE and just makes you miserable.
I do have a few complainers in my life….some in my family…..so it is difficult to escape 100%. I am guilty of it myself from time to time. Thanks for the challenge. I am really going to try to monitor myself more closely and make sure I am contributing positively to my life…for myself and others.
Thanks for all that you do and welcome back!
Three cheers for Abby! Complaining is like potato chips. Just one, and it’s easy to get a whole bag full. It’s good to hear that reminder now and again.
Maya Angelou wrote once about complaining. Here’s the link to the complaining story, which is worth the short read:
http://www.lawrence.k12.ky.us/Curriculum/Prototypes%2007/Assessment%20Items/Reading/HS/Complaining.pdf
Her jist was, if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.
Words to live by!
Welcom Back Dustin and Abby!
I do my own share of complaining. Sometimes you just can’t help it. We are human. Nevertheless, most of the time, I am of the “glass half full” school.
This is a very good reminder to cut down on the negativity. I’d add one thing: if anyone around you is complaining, ask them to compare their predicament to those hit by the tsunami /earthquakes in Japan.
Abby, I admire your courage. I’m sure others in the tender boat appreciated your gesture.
I love all the tips on how to stop complaining! I would suggest that you don’t yell at a stranger complaining. If you’re about bringing positive energy into the world, you probably shouldn’t yell and criticize that person. They obviously are feeling pretty lousy as it is and I’m sure Abby just made her feel worse. I’m not saying the complainer was in the right, but you really need to try and put yourself in the offender’s shoes. Who knows what this woman has endured, what she’s going through, etc. Why don’t you just smile and say positive things and not judge? Or reach out to her if you care so much, or just ignore her completely. I really think you need to stop judging so much on your blogs because you have wonderful tips and insight, but it gets clouded.
Welcome home, you two! Happy to hear you had a glorious trip….you guys really deserve it! Your post had some great insight and will give us all a good reminder to focus on the positive things in life!
When you shared your story of being on the tender, it reminded me of the funny story I have from my trip on a tender years ago. We had spent a fantastic day on a private island owned by the cruiseline, and we were headed back to the ship on the tender when I struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. As we traveled, we were exclaiming how terrific the day was and how much fun everyone had….and then I asked her “What ship are you guys on?” Laughter erupted because of course, everyone on the tender is heading to the SAME ship!! Duh!! That was truly a blonde moment, but I guess you have to laugh at yourself once in a while!
I normally don’t chime in much but felt the need to…Mary this isn’t to attack you or start a big debate but I disagree with your comments to Dustin that he/they should stop judging. By Abby saying to stop complaining is pretty straight forward…..lady complaining, Abby says to stop. They weren’t judging her or labeling her—just telling her to stop. Kind of like the way you were taught as a kid—if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Especially in a situation like that–I agree you can’t do anything about it and it doesn’t to any good to waste energy complaining. In “close” areas like that listening to the complaining for awhile rubs off..pretty soon others are mad or bothered by it….I bet if you polled some of the other people they’d have been thrilled she said something. AWESOME job Abby—I think more people would wish they had your courage/confidence to say what they wanted/thought. Kudos to you!!!!! I hope that rubs off on me and encourages me to be like that!
@Mary,
Let me clarify, I don’t think the woman even heard Abby since the boat, waves, and wind were very loud, so her comment wouldn’t have offended her.
Dustin
I don’t have complainers “as friends” in my life b/c I eliminated them about 6 months ago.
But I DO have them in my family, and it’s VERY HARD. It can REALLY get you down. Most often I just say, “it is what it is.” Or “oh well.” Or do the following:
In this situation, I would have started asking the lady positive questions. “So what’s been your FAVORITE part of the trip?” “What are you looking forward to next?” What are you excited to see here?” etc. When people complain and I can’t get away from it, I deluge them with positive questions, hoping they stop complaining and start talking about good things.
So it have to laugh because my mother would say you should only spend 10 min. with a negative person. What took you so long? If you would of tossed her over would anyone of tossed her a preserver. I was on one of those ships the norrigan . It had 1 broken tender and 1 that worked. We were just happy to be on vacation. The crew was trying as hard as they could. We tried to get off that tender in 30 foot waives. There was no safe walk ways. I remember doing this jump thing to get back on the ship. We all made it safe. I think we headed to the bar as soon as we knew we were safe. Depends on how you look at things. I now do it with a smile. Things could be worse. You could be on a dream vacation in Japan right now.
As of right now I could use a vacation to Madison. We live in Burlington. The dells would also be good. I am having visions of looking good on a tube on the lazy river in the Dells.
I’m just happy I have learned to appreciate life and others.
Most complainers justify their attitude to themselves and others by saying that they complain because they have reason to. In my experience, though, that is not true. Many people don’t complain even when faced with the worst of hardships, and others cannot stop complaining no matter how comfortable and easy things are for them.
I was a big complainer and hugely negative person for most of my teens and early 20′s. I made a major effort to change my attitude and be more positive after that, and become a ‘solution finder’ instead of a complainer. Once I changed my attitude, I found I had a ton more friends and people really wanted to be around me. And as a ‘solution finder’ I had a sense of empowerment and control over my life that fed the cycle of happiness and positivity.
So, my message to the world’s complainers: it pays to stop!
Welcome Back you two – I look forward to hearing and seeing more about the cruise I had to miss this year. Looks like a truly stunning place to visit.
As for that situation, I am proud of Abby. Even though that woman may not have even heard her, at least some of the others might have. Talk about not appreciating the beauty of the moment…What a waste!
Complaining is a hard thing to shake. I have done my fair share lately being pregnant and ready to have a baby any moment. I am patiently waiting for the day that I do not have to say “My butt hurts” anymore – HA HA! But, there are definitely people around me that always have something to complain about. Last week we got about 5″ of snow one day. It all came down really fast from about 430-630am and although there was allot of it – it was GORGEOUS!!! My street was stunning with snow on every limb of every tree and I love that. I made it into work safe and sound. Two people in my immediate area come into work just complaining and complaing about the snow. One girl lives close enough to work that she could walk here if it was that bad and she was like, I am so crabby about this snow and another one was, Oh I am so done with this snow. Bla Bla Bla … I was just disgusted and thinking, OK people, you live in WISCONSIN it is March 9th – winter is not over. Within hours the roads were clear and the sun was shining and I thought, now was it really worth all your bi–hing this morning?
I was watching footage of the Tsunami aftermath in Japan and they were talking about how orderly everything is. The people wait in lines, share limited food and resources equally, and most of all, don’t complain. Someone explained that complaining is not really tolerated in their culture. I think we have a lot to learn from them!
Also, something similar happened to me once when I was visiting Kenya. I was there with medical group doing clinics in villages, but we were staying at a beautiful resort. It was a very odd contrast to be out in the midst of horrific poverty each day and then come back to a resort where most people were vacationing. The employees knew what we were there for so we spent a lot of time talking to them and getting their perspective on their country and what was needed to make a difference. There was a girl who always made waffles at breakfast that I chatted with each morning and learned a lot about…specifically that she had dreamed of being a doctor but did not have the resources to make her dream come true. One day a man who was there on vacation from either England or Australia (I wasn’t sure of the accent) was standing in line for a waffle. He kept complaining that she was moving too slow, was incompetent…etc. He looked at me during his rant like he thought I would join in. I was so offended for her, and so annoyed that he felt like he had to be in such a hurry while on vacation. I just looked at him and said “I think she’s doing her best.” He looked surprised that I didn’t join in. As soon as the first waffle was ready she handed it to me with a big ol’ smile and made him continue to wait. I saw him later go up to her for seconds, this time with a smile and what appeared to be polite conversation. I hoped he felt put in his place and would take that lesson with him throughout the rest of his time on vacation, but you never know. I tend to be impatient myself, always in a hurry, always wanting everyone else to be in a hurry. This really put a mirror in front of my face, although I still tend to forget this lesson a lot! Thanks for the reminder!
Dawn,
I think anyone in her 3rd trimester of a pregnancy has a good excuse to complain
Great story Dustin! I had a very similar experience when I traveled to Guatemala in part of a mission trip through college. Many on the trip complained about the heat, the bugs, waking up early, etc. But what some didn’t realize is the kids we worked with did not complain one bit even when they walked barefoot to school, didn’t have food to feed the family, wore the same clothes every day, and drank dirty water. It only takes us a moment to complain about every little thing in our life instead of trying to see the positives. Since this trip and other travel experiences, I’ve learned to deal with some friends who have constant negativity and express that positive energy is all I will allow in my life but there are days I even struggle as well. The best advice I have is to find those who can help you stay positive in every light and hold you accountable, just like the rubber band example or similar to having a work out buddy.
Enjoy your blogs Dustin! Thank you!