Hilarious Story About The First Week Working Out!


I wanted to thank Arika for sending me this funny email!  I bet some of you can relate 🙂

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
richard_simmonsFor my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god– with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!  Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!
It’s a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
Christo was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late– it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine– which I sank.
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun– like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

If you liked this, please share it with some friends who might need a good laugh!


  1. I cannot stop laughing. You should warn people about how much they will be laughing!!!!! I love the hiding in the bathroom part. Dustin, you know who my mom is and how stubborn she was when she started working out with you—sorry Mom. This makes me think of her…she sent me a card in college once that said “I quit exercising because it was bad for my health. Everytime I moved my thighs rubbed together so much my underwear caught on fire.” We still laugh about that, and this story just goes along with it. Thanks for starting my day with a good laugh!!!!!

  2. That was so funny. I had to chuckle thinking back to my first week of bootcamp almost a year ago. I literally could not walk up and down our 6 little stairs to each living room (we live in a bi-level) I felt like a was hit by a bus and then a semi. It was a rough week but by the next week my body had recovered. As new people start boot camp.. you hear much of the same stories and many comming from ones who work out on a daily basis. Dustins workouts are working muscles you didnt even know you had. Such a great program. Thanks for sharing a good story..we all have to laugh at ourselves from time to time. And remember there is no gain without the pain!

  3. I hurt so much the first week and actually didn’t stop hurting until about 6 weeks. Half of what motivates me to keep coming to Bootcamp 3X a week is that I NEVER want to have to start again…I fear I never would! One step at a time…just keep going forward! Thanks for the laugh!

  4. BTW, Dustin, I think you should dress up as Richard Simmons for Halloween. Afro wig, flesh-colored body suit with some chest hair, bedazzled tank top, short silk shorts…you KNOW you want to!

  5. This is great- good way to start out the morning with a humor, then on to a workout. At least we don’t have an instructor like that one. Thanks for sharing, Dustin.

  6. I have read this one before, hilarious! And somewhat true! Haha. Thanks for making me laugh this morning and I will see you in 30 minutes!! Don’t kill me!!! It’s been a week! Don’t want to have to send out an email like this one later!! 🙂

  7. Good point Vanessa. yeah that will keep a person going and going.. the thought of starting all over again would be torture.=)

  8. i think everyone’s comments are at LEAST as funny as the story. underwear on fire, LOL! 🙂

  9. o, and dustin as richard simmons! i would fly to madison to see that!!!

  10. This is hysterical and I can totally relate. Even this past Monday, after coming to class for 6+ months, I said to one of my Mamatone classmates “Dustin is evil!” then followed by “But we love him for it, right?!?!”. Dustin, take that as a compliment, we love you to kick us into shape and thanks for the laughs about it too!


  11. I was told I was “evil” this morning by a bootcamper…she went on to say that there are other words she’d like to use to describe me but they weren’t appropriate! 🙂 That conversation was followed up by her friend exclaiming “I found an ab muscle!” …after not believing me last week when I told her they are there!

    On another note, I would like to politely disagree with Dustin dressing up as Richard Simmons. The thought may cause me nightmares! AND I’m the one who would have to be seen with him! 🙂

  12. Very Very Funny! Thanks for sharing, Dustin. Oh and I love Vanessa’s idea of you dressing up like Richard Simmons for Halloween. You could be him and maybe Abby could dress up as Jane Fonda or some other old school fitness video person with the thong bodysuit, tights and leg warmers…You would be the hit of State Street – Ha Ha 🙂 🙂 Have a great day.

  13. In return I have a funny story for you…….at least it is funny to me :o) Last nite I was
    complaining/moaning in pain from exercise class. Jake (my oldest age 11) says to me………Mom what is wrong? Did you start going to exercise class again? I replied yes I did……..and his reply was…..I think he’s too hard on you guys………..does he forget you are in your forties? (i chuckled) Then he asked me what your name was………..and I replied…..”Christo” !! LOL

  14. Absolutely hilarious! That sounds like my first “time” with a health club trainer.

  15. Sometimes i enjoy reading article on varies subject, like this one, after all knowledge is everything.


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