I call myself fat in front of my sons. It wasn’t until my son repeated it to me that I realized what I had done. Doesn’t make you feel good to hear it from a 5 yr old but you cannot reprimand when he is just repeating what you said. I have done a very good job of making sure they don’t call complete strangers fat, but have inadvertantly given them permission to call ME fat.

The word “fat” is never used in our house. I have taught my girls (who are 8 & 5) to use the word “unhealthy”. I made the mistake of not eating the same dinners as they were and they would as my why. I didn’t want to say, “because mommy needs to lose weight”. I felt it was negative. So I would tell them, “mommy just wants to eat healthier.” They paused, looked down at their plates and said, “then why aren’t we eating healthier?” This whole Dustin experience and being transformed into leading a healthier lifestyle has done wonders for me and my family! You don’t ever want to tell a little girl she is fat or that she needs to lose weight…that will stick with her, her entire life. But to make healthier choices in order to life a longer, more fun, better life, will make the world of a difference! Be encouraging of those around you and of yourself!

I have two separate comments on your topic:
1. Kids DO emulate their parents and I can prove it.
2. Let’s get rid of that Skinny Minny is Pretty theory!

1. My two sons are 27 and 25. While they were growing up, I LOVED cooking. I don’t have room here to go into detail about our meals, (although I’d love to!) but they included being SEATED at the table with cloth napkins, plates, bowls of steaming veggies and fruit, creative spices and something new every day. There was NEVER a tv anywhere near the dining room. Alas, my efforts to interest my boys in cooking were a total failure…. UNTIL the past few years, after they left home! Now, they are excellent cooks and the envy of all their friends (who come to them for advice)! And, healthy? Their meals are FULL of lean, mean healthful and creative foods. My conclusion: they learn what they SEE, not what’s forced down their throats. (pardon the pun:) They saw me enjoy cooking, so they do the same. Ah, you don’t have time for sit-down meals? Hmmm. Turn off the tv and open up a cool cookbook! You’ll be amazed how fast you find time!

2. Yikes. The photos in your post make me re-think my self-image. There’s nothing at all wrong with the girl in the mirror. In fact, she’s cute. So, I’m thinking that I’ll stop obsessing about the extra ten pounds I THINK I need to lose and be grateful for a 55-year-old healthy, active body that’s still working great. Thanks for the wake-up. It’s nearly impossible to drop weight anymore… so maybe we’re meant to keep it, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand.

I have 3 boys and 1 – 8 year old daughter. I’ve tried to be careful about not saying I’m on a diet. I always say, “I’m trying to not eat as much sugar because it’s not good for me and it makes me feel tired.” Or I’ll say, “I’ve noticed I haven’t been eating as much fruit and veggies as I should, and I want to feel better.” Recently, my daughter was in for her school physical. She is a tiny bit overweight and I loved how our doctor talked with her about it. He said, next time you have ice cream, if you are going to have 4 scoops of ice cream, instead have 3 scoops or if you are going to have 2 bowls of cereal just have 1 instead. She left feeling good about herself but, also thought about the fact that maybe she could eat a little less.

I can tell you from personal experience how a mom’s (and dad) influence can impact your body image. Growing up my mom was always heavy and always on a diet. She constantly talked about her weight and so did my dad. I was chubby as a girl and when I was 12, she had me doing weight watchers with her.

My parents did not exercise so it was not until I was in high school that I started to exercise and become athletic. I joined the rowing team and started doing aerobics a lot.

I struggled with my body image and weight for most of my high school and college years. I always walked a thin line when it came to having an eating disorder. I never had one but I look back now and realize I had a very distorted view of food, eating and body image.

I am trying very hard as a mom of 2 boys to be a role model for them. I am a yoga teacher and I exercise, eat healthfully, and want to teach them that its all ok in moderation. My husband is also a great role model – exercising and eating well.

Growing up my mom would bribe me to lose weight and then not follow through with the reward. She also never gave me any guidance on how to lose weight, so I starved myself. Dustin has changed how I look at food and exercise and I have never felt better. My kids (11 & 12) are starting to see me change and like the mom I am now a lot more. Having the knowledge and support of everyone at bootcamp has helped me change my life. Thank you!

Jody, Your kids have a smart Mama! Parents and other caregivers need to start the talk about beng healthy vs. thin (or all of the other negative words) when the kids are young and then keep interjecting the positive messages as they get older. Unfortunately, negative words from peers, relatives, even siblings can cause damage but hopefully the kids will have internalized the parents’ positive messages and developed some resiliency. Other things I think can help are turning off the TV and focusing on the development of their character and their spirit (ie what are all the unique things about them that make them awesome ). I have read a lot about eating disorders (I’m a school nurse) and learned that people who develop an eating disorder are filling a void. The dieting (wt. loss) or binging makes them feel good, (releases dopamine)fills the void and can become addictive.

Jody,

Your comment cracked me up, especially where your kids asked why they aren’t eating healthy! For those of you who don’t know. Jody is the star of the first DVD! So you can watch her workout and workout along side her.

All the comments so far have been very interesting and have taught me a lot and confirmed a lot of my experiences. Miri, I can’t imagine as a child having to go to weight watchers! Cheri, I can only imagine how having your mom bribe you to lose weight has affected the way you view yourself, food, and exercise.

I just thought of something. I just watch the rerun of the Michael Jackson documentary. MJ talked about how his dad would make fun of him about his nose, and how a stranger saw MJ as a child and said “EWW, what happened to you?” That tramatized him, and I can promise you was a big reason why he spent his whole life with plastic surgery and changing the way he looked.

Keep the comments coming!

Dustin

Many things can contribute to an eating disorder. In general, the manner in which women speak of body image, is not nurturing.
Men are effected too. I have counseled men who have had eating disorders. Lynn was correct in saying that weight loss triggers a rush, and can be addictive. I have toured the nation speaking to universities about this. I have been a guest at universities where sororities have had to replace their entire plumbing system because of excessive vomit, (sorry, but true!)
I try to keep the focus on health with my 13 year old…trust me, when you don’t have your health, you REALLY miss it!
Keep comments positive – about you and others!

Miri, I went to TOPS with my Mom when I was 10, so I understand! (Anyone here know what that is?) I also went on a “nice” starvation diet when I was 14 years old.

In our house, there are no forbidden foods. (Though I just don’t buy certain foods often or at all…) I talk about balance. (Not that I am very good with that part all the time myself….) Certain foods are “sometimes” foods because they don’t have enough nutrients or too much fat, etc. My kids know they need to have fruits & vegetables every day.

My kids also know they are the perfect size for them. I tell my daughter that she is perfectly “Sophia size” & my son is perfectly “Niko size.” We talk about being active in life, that you should stop eating when you’ve had enough, & to eat a variety of foods in balance.

I think our children notice WAY more than we realize! While we don’t need to be perfect for our children, we do need to try & be aware of all the things that they see, even if its not something we say. And we also need to educate them them on how to process the huge media influences in their lives.

I hope I made some sense! I could go on & on about this topic!

Laura

I love this post

I have really enjoyed the Saturday morning boot camps because I can feel myself getting stronger and healthier, with more stamina and energy. I also have some workout DVDs I do at home. But the one thing that disturbs me (about my DVDs) is that they are always talking about getting thinner, or fitting into new jeans, etc.

It’s really sad that eating healthy and working out isn’t being done to be healthy, but to be thin, because of the obsession with thin beauty, and also the extremely erroneous idea that people are fat because they are somehow deficient (bear with me for a moment).

About five years ago I went through some really bad issues with my weight and body image. Now, part of this was because I did have some bad habits – and by rectifying those habits I have lost about 25-35 pounds. BUT, I never ever, even when I was doing some really crazy stuff, got to the 80 pounds I so desired to be. And eventually I realized that I simply have a weight that my body wants to be at – and that even though I am a little heavier than is considered conventionally attractive for my height, I am still really healthy.

There are a lot of studies out there that actually show that it IS possible to be “fat” and healthy – a fat person with healthy eating habits is much healthier than a skinny person who eats junk food all day long but happens to be genetically inclined to be thinner. Every person has a different ideal, healthy weight for them, and it’s almost impossible to get significantly below OR above it and I think that is important to realize. The other thing is that they are finding that there are a lot of metabolic disorders and sicknesses that were once thought to be caused by being fat, when in fact, there is something else that is causing both the fat and the sickness. I find the junkfoodscience blog really interesting.

I definitely think eating healthy and exercising is really important in staying healthy and preventing a lot of these diseases and I think it is important to treat ourselves right and set that example for others…but I think what people all need to accept is that they aren’t all going to become rail thin – but that’s okay, and they are still healthy. Likewise, I know overweight people who have VASTLY better eating habits than most skinny people I know but unfortunately have things like PCOS or thyroid problems that make losing weight really difficult.

Thanks again for the posts – I always enjoy reading them, especially the nutritional info

Hi Everyone,

I’m not quite sure where to start. Or if I can even write this. Some of these posts really hit home as I was reading them. I’m middle aged and really trying to turn my life around now. FOR ME. I have always had very low self-esteem. No matter what my weight was, I felt too fat. I truly think it stemmed from my parents as a child. My mom has always been pretty small (fine boned). She makes comments to me often about my size. What I should wear to hide myself(like I should be ashamed)when on the reverse side, friends tell me to wear slimmer clothes to show more of my shape. I divorced a while back, and I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn’t think anyone will ever want me because of my size. She has said, “Its too bad they can’t see the inside of you first.” My dad on the other hand was obese. I am guessing around 400#’s. He’s deceased by the way from congested heart failure. But he used to say things to me like “wow, is your A** ever getting big”. Those are the things I remember most of my dad. These are just a couple examples. In my heart, I know I am a very good person. I’m going to get through this for me. I really beleive that joining Dustin’s bootcamp and receiving awesome support is going to get me through this all. I am so excited!
My kids have been very proud of me! Yes, they have heard me talk about my weight and struggling with food/diets.

These posts have opened my eyes more! Thanks as always Dustin!! See you in the morning!

I agree with everything Dustin wrote. I just want to comment on his 1st point. Although I agree it is important to show kids how important exercise is for a healthy lifestyle, exercise can sometimes compliment an eating disorder. Many people who suffer from anorexia may also suffer from exercise addiction. Because of their distorted body image of themselves, they feel that they must exercise 2-3 hours a day. I’m not opposing exercising this long, but when one doesn’t consume the calories to support this level of activity, it becomes detrimental.
I believe it is important to show kids not only that exercise and proper nutrition is extremely important, but that they are very related to each other. If the balance between nutrition and exercise is too uneven, it becomes an even greater problem.

Kids say the darndest things… My almost 5 year old told me I have flappy arms, BUT this was not in a negative way rather an observation. I decided not to be offended. Instead, I said I am working hard and doing push ups in Mamatone and getting stronger. Just yesterday, Mr.Fit aka the same almost 5 year old, said “Mom, you’re kind of fat.” I never wanted this day to come. Again, should I choose to be heartbroken or use this moment as a teaching moment? I shed a tear and then went on to explain that I am working hard at Mamatone to become stronger and healthier. We all have hard choices to make everyday. I choose to change!

Wow, I am blown away with this blog and the incredible information being shared…..and at my stage in child raising (Dustin’s baby brother just graduated last month), I can only look back and realize I sure didn’t do it all the best way. However, as someone pointed out, no parent is perfect and we need to accept this about our past, learn from others, change where it’s needed…..and for me, some day, I will be able to do it better with the grandkids!

But I do remember something I did from the seat of my pants with one of Dustin’s siblings who craved sugar!
I didn’t feel like he was too impressed with all the facts that came from ole’ Ma, like, he needed to eat more protein so the craving would lessen, etc. etc. So I had him do some research online and write me an essay about sugar!! I think I brought the Sugar Blues book home from the library too; but he always said he was so active and didn’t think the sugar stuck around long enough to do any harm-a teen’s reasoning can be quite creative! So, I thought some good facts from other sources would make the light bulb go on for him. And like pointed out above, he was a beanpole and that can make some think they are healthy. Today, at 23 yrs., he is solid muscle, and will often turn down my sending cookies home with him (yeah, sounds like tables have flipped!), not wanting sugar around to tempt him. Did the essay do any good…besides giving him lots of laughs doing it and telling his friends about it ….who knows? Nothing changed at the time that I remember, but that is what parenting is all about, just keeping on doing our best; and after all, God loves them even more than we do and can bring others into their lives to build upon our foundation, however shaky or sturdy that may be!

I hope y’all keep blogging here-I have learned so much already!!

Good Morning Everyone:

My name is Mike and the above stories really touched me. I attended Dustin’s boot-camps last year and he really helped me to put things into perspective.
I have always struggled with my weight and was 350 pounds at my peak. My weight has always gone up and down because I thought I needed to be a skinny 170 pounds.. (Like that is ever going to happen again) I now have things under control and am a health 230 pounds. I still have another 30 to lose, but I am doing it the right way. Currently, I am in training to run the Chicago Marathon in October and have never felt better. I now only jump on the scale once a month and rate my progress on how I feel, not what the number is.

Although the exercise is very important to reach your goals, I think eating healthy is key. I often struggling with my eating although I am happy to say that my husband and I about a couple years back little red meat, breads and potatotes. We are big with the veggies and eat alot of chicken and fishes. You would be surprized the way you can spruce up veggies for your kids. I like to cook veggies with a little bit of olive oil and then sprinkle some hidden valley ranch dry powder in while cooking the veggies or grill veggies in tin foil on the grill. You can throw veggies into soups or casseroles. There are ways to get those veggies in there.
I have seen my daughter in the last year completely change her eating habits. In college she used to do alot of junk food and fast packaged meals. Now she has turned into such a good cook with good healthy recipes.
I am so proud of her life choices. She is the one who discovered Dustins bootcamp for us and I am thankful everyday that she did. Sometimes it seems strange to me that the healthy choices at the supermarket are more expensive than the junky food but than again what better investment is there than your body and good health?

Awesome comments everyone!

Matt, you are SO true and bring up a great point that compulsive exercise is highly correlated with anorexia and other body image problems. I will definitely write about that subject sometime soon!

Carol, I too have experienced the sororities when I was in college and hearing that just about every girl in a certain house was throwing up, and it was causing problems with the plumbing. How sad.

Mike, good to hear from you bud! I am glad you got back on track and are doing better than ever!

Mom, haha, I forgot about making Chris write that report! Now Chris is much stronger than me

Patty, I love all your posts and your awesome work at bootcamp along with heather. I am thankful I found you too!

Sherri, beauty starts from the inside. Just keep working hard in bootcamp and eat for fuel. I am excited for you to come on my grocery shopping tour soon! We make 100′s of small decisions each day, make sure those are taking you closer to your goals!

Hi everyone,
Very interesting and thought provoking reading. Eating disorders are in the same family as addiction. The problem is more difficult though because you can’t quit food.We as a society can all help to change this by loving people of all sizes and shapes. Thank you Dustin for promoting this. Execise became a way of life for me about 20 years ago, when I stopped doing it to “look good” but started doing it for my well being. I wanted to be healthy physically and mentally and it helps tremendously in both areas. Now, thanks to Dustin, I am more effective in my approach. My weight doesn’t really change and that frustrates me, but I am learning to accept that a 53 year old body is different than a 33 year old body. I know that I am healthy. Hey Dustin, I smiled at the “flying squirrel” comment.

I grew up in a house full of junk food. Every meal was meat and potatoes. My mom would make a small amount of a vegetable for her and I to eat, but my Dad and brothers wouldn’t touch it. Thankfully my mom taught me how to cook, and I made my own food once I was old enough.

I’m trying to change that with my kids. I’ve had to have multiple talks with my parents about not giving my boys so many sugary snacks. Yes, I know grandparents love to spoil their grand kids and send them home, but there has to be a limit.

When my oldest son (4 yrs) asks for junk food and I say no, he wants to know why. I tell him that’s because it doesn’t have anything in it that his body can use. Then we talk about what kinds of food his body can use for energy and why that’s important. Most of the time that works and he makes a better choice. Sometimes he tells me he doesn’t want to grow up to be healthy and strong. I still say no you can’t have that but you can have an apple, a carrot or no snack at all. That works.

Now that I’m taking time for myself to get back in shape, my kids have really started to learn the importance of exercise. My oldest always asks to come workout at Mama Tone with me instead of going to the play room. I’m working on being a better roll model for my kids because what I do really does have more of an impact than what I say.

Now if we can just get the media whipped into shape. I hear too many news reports about how kids are getting fatter and what to do with overweight kids. I don’t think that’s the right approach. I think the message kids are getting (weather overweight or not) is, I’m not good enough I need to go on a diet. I think those messages need to go away completely and the focus shifted to how to eat right, how much you should exercise and finding a good weight for your body. I believe that everyone has an optimal weigh that they feel their best at. Getting much heavier or much lighter than that and you just don’t feel well. Just my opinion.

Where to begin…When I got married, I knew that it was my responsibility to make sure my kids were not obese. My husband and 3 of his siblings were overweight growing up and I knew that my kids would be too if I did not do something about it. I heard once while I was pregnant with my first child that instead of rewarding your children with sweets you should reward them with healthy food. That way thier comfort food (if/when they need it) is healthy. They said that you should not tell your kids if you eat your veggies I will give you this candy but rather the veggies should be the reward(we usually use fruit). So I started practicing this when my children first started eating solid food. Now my boys are 6,4 and 3 and when they want a snack they go to the fridge for an apple or some grapes etc… I am not saying they never eat junk because they do, it is just not very often.
Another thing we learned the hard way is to not make our children clean thier plate. My children are not picky eaters. We have not let them be, they have always ate what we put on thier plate and for a while we would just put on thier plate what we knew they needed to eat (a very small portion)and would make them finish it. Then we noticed that our middle child, when we went out to eat, always had to finish his meal. Sometimes he would ask daddy to finish it but if daddy said no then he would have to finish it himself. That was when we realized what we had done. So we started encouraging him to leave food on his plate. Now he just says, “I want to save this for later” and sometimes we tell him “no, it is OK to throw it away” (which at first was tough for him but now he just says “OK!”)
Thankfully we caught this early and have not had any other problems with it. Our boys are very healthy and have never been overweight, we do not let them say the word “Fat” or any derivitive of it. And have always been very positive about thier appearance.
They love to excercise because they watch mommy do it. So there you have it, some good, some bad but we are forever learning how to be better!

This is such a complicated issue! All of the comments above are true. We have a great influence on the people around us.

My experience with anorexia is from a different side – when I was 7 years old, my Mom was diagonesed with anorexia (she was in her late 20′s). She was physically abused as a child. As an adult, she was finally in control of her body, but as we know, not in a healty way. Thankfully, she was able to get the help she needed and proved to be a positive role model for my sister & I.

Are we the thinnest people around? No, but we have healthy eating & exercise habits and positive body images. As my Mom taught me, no body is perfect. Who wants to be like everybody else? You have to work at it every day. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. The small things that you do each day can (and will) make a huge difference. If you keep setting a good example for your kids and the people around you, it will have a positive effect on them.

I just want to share with you a great resource for raising children with positive eating habits at all ages are books by Ellyn Satter. She has a commonsense eating approach that most of us missed as we grew up. Here is her Division of Responsibility.

Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding –
Parents provide structure, support and opportunities. Children choose how much and whether to eat from what the parents provide.
The Division of Responsibility for Infants:
• The parent is responsible for what
• The child is responsible for how much (and
everything else)
The parent helps the infant to be calm and organized and feeds smoothly, paying attention to information coming from the baby about timing, tempo, frequency and amounts
The Division of Responsibility For Toddlers through Adolescents:
• The parent is responsible for what, when, where
• The child is responsible for how much and
whether
Look up ellynsatter.com – the above are her words.

I am a dietary student and consultant, and have been in the field for 20 years. Dustin is doing a great job of getting everyone motivated to make changes. We need to share these positive ideas with our children.
As I grew up I know that my family left me with fat phobia. Consequently through high school I had what would be called dieting behaviors, it took lots of education to get beyond all that. It’s amazing what we teach children about food in many subtle ways.